Why Many Mothers Discover ADHD or Autism Through Their Child’s Diagnosis

Mother’s Day has recently passed, and it prompted me to reflect on something I see frequently in clinical practice.

In my work supporting children and families around ADHD, autism and emotional wellbeing, a pattern appears again and again.

A child comes into clinic for support. During the assessment process, the parent begins answering questions about behaviour, attention, sensory experiences or emotional regulation.

And somewhere in that process, something begins to resonate.

Sometimes it’s the language used in screening tools. Sometimes it’s the behavioural descriptions. Sometimes it’s simply hearing a life experience described that suddenly feels familiar.

Quite often, a parent quietly says something like:

“Some of this sounds a lot like me.”

What starts as a child’s assessment often becomes a moment of reflection for the entire family.

Why This Happens?

There are important historical reasons why many women only begin recognising their own neurodivergence later in life.

For many years, diagnostic frameworks for ADHD and autism were largely developed using research based on boys and men. As a result, girls and women whose presentations looked different were frequently missed or misunderstood.

Many learned to mask their traits, compensate socially, or internalise their difficulties.

They were often described as:

• anxious • sensitive • disorganised • overwhelmed • perfectionistic, rather than being recognised as neurodivergent.

Research now increasingly reflects what clinicians and families have observed for years: neurodivergence often runs in families.

ADHD in particular has a strong genetic component. Studies estimate that ADHD has a heritability rate of around 70–80%, meaning it frequently appears across generations within families.

Similarly, autism research consistently shows strong familial patterns.

What this means in practice is that when a child is assessed for ADHD or autism, it is not uncommon for parents to recognise similar traits in themselves for the first time.

A Family Journey, Not Just a Child’s Diagnosis

When this happens, the emotional response can be complex.

For some parents there is relief: things begin to make sense.

For others there can be grief or confusion, particularly when reflecting on childhood experiences that were misunderstood or unsupported.

Some parents may initially feel unsure about the idea of neurodivergence at all. Cultural expectations, generational beliefs and previous experiences with services can influence how families approach these conversations.

This is why the approach taken by professionals matters.

In many cases, the most helpful support does not focus solely on the child but on the family system as a whole.

Understanding a parent’s own neurodivergent profile can reduce guilt, improve communication and create greater empathy within the parent-child relationship.

Often the parenting experience itself starts to make more sense.

Why Family Support Matters

At Prior Mindset, I frequently work with families where both the child and parent are navigating aspects of neurodivergence.

In these situations, support often works best when it includes:

• psychoeducation for both parent and child

• emotional support around identity and understanding

• family-based therapeutic conversations

• practical strategies that recognise different cognitive styles.

The goal is not to “fix” neurodivergence but to help families understand themselves and each other more clearly.

Creating a non-judgmental environment where parents can explore these questions safely is an important part of that process. I am humbled that families place their trust in me, and agree to be screened for neurodivergence.

Supporting Parents As Well As Children

Parents are often deeply focused on supporting their child, sometimes overlooking their own needs in the process.

But a parent’s wellbeing and self-understanding are not separate from a child’s wellbeing.

When parents receive appropriate support, the relational space between parent and child often shifts in meaningful ways.

Parenting becomes less about “trying harder” and more about understanding how each member of the family experiences the world differently.

Support and Resources Neurodiversity Coaching and Post-Diagnostic Support

Prior Mindset provides psychological therapy, neurodiversity coaching and consultancy services supporting children, young people and families navigating ADHD, autism and emotional wellbeing.

One of the most requested services is Neurodiversity Coaching for Children with ADHD or Autism or Post-Diagnosis Support for ADHD or Autism, alongside Supporting Social Skills and Emotional Regulation.

Neurodiversity coaching helps individuals understand how their brain works and develop practical strategies for everyday life. Sessions focus on areas parents commonly seek support with, including:

• improving social and communication skills • building confidence and self-esteem • managing emotional dysregulation and overwhelm • navigating friendships and interpersonal relationships • understanding rejection sensitivity.

Sessions are practical and supportive, often using role play, guided conversations and real-life scenarios to help children practise communication and social interaction.

The work draws on adapted Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) alongside psychoeducation about the nervous system and emotional regulation.

Parents often report improvements in:

• confidence in social situations

• maintaining friendships

• emotional regulation and fewer meltdowns

• self-understanding and resilience

Post-Diagnostic Support for ADHD and Autism

Receiving a diagnosis of ADHD or autism often raises many questions for both individuals and families.

Post-diagnostic support focuses on helping people understand their diagnosis and develop practical strategies for daily life, including:

• attention and organisation skills • emotional regulation and sensory needs • communication and relationship skills • family understanding and support strategies.

Sessions can be delivered with children, young people, adults or families, helping individuals move from simply receiving a diagnosis to understanding how to work with their neurodivergent strengths.

Alongside clinical work, Prior Mindset also provides a growing library of free evidence-informed resources for parents and professionals. Please sign up for free.

Feedback from families and professionals who have used the service can also be found through Prior Mindset Testimonials or our five-star Google reviews.

A Final Reflection

Many parents begin searching for support after noticing challenges around friendships, emotional regulation, school stress or social communication, particularly when a child has ADHD or autism.

When a child begins the journey of understanding their neurodivergence, it can sometimes open a door for a parent to understand themselves as well.

For many mothers, that realisation arrives later in life.

But later does not mean too late.

Understanding yourself is never a missed opportunity.

I am here for you, when you are ready!

Prior Mindset is not a crisis service. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, please contact your GP, NHS 111 or emergency services.

With Warm Wishes,

Miss Jerri Prior 

BABCP Highly Specialist Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapist

Registered Social Worker.

Founder, Prior Mindset- Putting Your Mental Health First